Common Sense Amendment 1 - The Virgin Decree

(If I were king and tyrant of America for one week, these are the type of laws I'd pass. Laws that focus on providing universal benefit without hurting anyone, as well as laws that provide me with a sense of purpose for having passed them.)



(The first song I heard after losing my virginity- here comes a funny story. I was in the car with my girlfriend at the time driving to Rite Aid within fifteen minutes of our first trial run at being adults because she was convinced she was pregnant. Being the savvy sixteen year old that I was. I told her to get a pregnancy test from Rite Aid, with full knowledge that even if I hit a lead-off home run, that the test would come back negative. Of course it did, and that day my brother and I learned how to read a pregnancy test. This song was the first one on the radio.)

Losing one's virginity is a wonderful experience that often turns traumatic due to the circumstances it falls under. It symbolizes a welcome to the adult world in an experience that cannot be matched - imagine if your high school graduation was only ten minutes long, and ended in an orgasm. With this rite of passage into adulthood often comes intense feelings for the person whom with this experience is shared.

This is where a major problem lies - while the virgin is feeling this dizzying array of emotion, if his or her partner is not a virgin, then the experience is significantly less of an emotional pulley on the second party. Oftentimes, this leads to an emotional split between the two parties even if their relationship were fully functional before then. This problem does exist, and can be proven simply by the overwhelming amount of references to it in our modern culture.


(One of the defining movies of the late 1990's and a spawn of roughly a million sequels all starting with the word "American," American Pie focuses on four high school kids attempting to lose their virginities before they graduate)


(Still, in 2011, movies exist about the chase of that elusive first bang. This movie, Virginity Hit, focuses on the same plot, with a modern twist as the main character's best friend/half brother records the quest in its entirety on his camera and posts it on YouTube.)




People are especially vulnerable in the moments before, during, and after losing their virginity. In my own personal experiences, I've seen a person punch a hole in the wall because a funeral delayed his first coital ordeal one day, a female cry during the act of losing her virginity because her grandmother was watching her from heaven and wouldn't approve, and another female asking her partner to marry him within three minutes of the short, sexual encounter.

Because of the importance of this adventure in the development of oneself, and the ease of manipulation presented by the innate, unavoidable vulnerabilities one presents around this period in his or her life, I would pass a Common Sense Amendment stating that virgins can only lose thier virginity to other virgins, both as a protective measure for both parties involved as well as a provider of hysterical stories as a result- we've all seen American Pie.