Charities that Actually Suck: Make-A-Wish Foundation

I'm sure you've seen one of these fantastic Make-A-Wish videos, one in which a terminally ill child gets to meet an idol of theirs in exchange for the right to continue being just as terminally ill. Most charities exist to serve one of two purposes- either to improve the life of a suffering people, or to raise awareness about an unnoticed problem in the hopes that public sentiment carries the solution to the problem. Rather than aim for one of those two goals, the Make-A-Wish foundation reminds you that there are terminally ill children that exist, and gives them one fun day in an otherwise terrible life. Seriously- a charity with 230 million dollars in assets exists without putting a single dollar towards research or any sort of solution hunt. It's the Ponzi scheme of charities- sponsored under the Disney Corporation, its outreach to attain celebrities and famous athletes to grant a wish is impossible to match. These famous people aren't the ones who are doing anything wrong- most make many of these types of visits without the publicity of the Make-A-Wish foundation.

However, whoever came up with the corporate design for this charity intended not to improve the welfare of the world, but rather the publicity of itself and its supporters. While at first I decided I hated the Make-A-Wish foundation solely because their efforts are produced and directed as if every wish were a Hollywood trailer, actually looking up the foundation just managed to make me feel stronger about this. This is because its financials and mission statement reveal what the foundation actually is- a really expensive feel-good publicity stunt.

As can be seen by this pie chart displayed on their front page, 16 percent of all money that enters the company goes towards the advent of more fundraising. Hidden in the program services portions of their expenses is a 25 million dollar "public support" expense (12%), which in actually just means more marketing and self-promotion. This means that for every twenty dollars you donate to the Make-A-Wish Foundation, roughly six dollars goes towards self-promotion, while the rest presumably goes to the 18 cameramen and 11 photographers watching a sick kid have a catch with Derek Jeter. Most notably, the company itself makes zero donations towards research or large-scale awareness programs.

This Calvin and Hobbes strip concludes this rant much better than I could ever.

Bringing Blogging Back

I'm gonna start blogging again for the entire summer, at least once a day, and I'm going to get rich, famous, and blowjobs from this blog- just watch. Every blog post will have an appropriate song preceding the post, giving my ardent fanbase something to listen to while I rant and rave about whatever I want to write about.



Goals of re-establishing the Last Bastion of Hope

Becoming a better writer- by forcing myself to blog, things such as my prose, sentence structure, and most notably spelling should improve as practice makes perfect.

Forming opinions- By putting time and effort into an attempt to prove a point, the point itself either becomes more validated through argument, or seems stupid when put into paragraphs.

Creation of an online persona- Through multiple blog posts, eventually certain themes will arise. For example, I am positive that within my next five blog posts, I will reference the awesomeness of LeBron James at least twice, if not more.

Last Bastion of Hope

My mother made a Facebook. This revealed a couple of things that I did know about life.

1. Generational uncomfortableness. Everyone knows this feeling, even if it's probably not a word in the psychological dictionary. It extends past you doing things you don't want your parents to know about into other mainstream facets of life. Grandmother with a cell phone, mother trying to pop lock and drop it at a high school graduation party, anytime a old person attempts to play a video game, things like that.

2. Your parent asking you to be your friend on Facebook is the summit of this generational uncomfortableness. Everything from seeing the question mark next to his or her face, knowing that there will be a call in forty eight hours asking you how to plug the camera cable into the computer, as if USB port slots magically move around the computer every time to the frantic untagging of pictures screams generational uncomfortableness.

3. I take terrible pictures. I'm not Stu D. Muffin or anything in real life, but my Facebook pictures are horrendous. Why must I smile as if I just received a blumpkin in every single picture?

4. I need to write on this blog more. This blog is the Last Bastion of Hope, never to crumble under the fears of generational uncomfortableness.

Bucket List

1. Run a pool table.

2. Bowl a 200.

3. Go to Lake George with my parents.

4. Finish a keg at my parent's house.

5. Get a meaningful tattoo.

6. Have a kid.

7. Catch a marlin

8. 72 hours without sleep.

9. Write a book of haikus.

10. Participate in a hot dog eating contest.

11. Get on a jumbotron during a sporting event.

12. Watch and/or participate in a jello wresting contest.

13. Touch a basketball rim with no external aid.

14. Go to Jacobs Field.

15. Get a boat.

16. Finish two Domino's Pizzas.

17. Live down the shore for a whole summer.

18. Build a computer from scratch.

19. Hook up with a girl from La Salle's Honors Program.

20. Drink with my brother.

21. Learn how to play the guitar.

22. Every flavor of Skoal in one day.

23. Donate sperm.

24. Have a conversation with a celebrity.

25. Be on television.

26. Become the American Man.

27. Go to the Basketball Hall of Fame.

28. Go to another prom and have fun.

29. Shave/wax my entire body sans hair.

30. Perform at a comedy club.

31. Perform anal sex (giving)

32. See a three nippled girl's nipples.

33. Make a hilarious YouTube video.

34. Get physically thrown out a place.

35. Hook up with a mom.

36. Make Pat cry.

37. See La Salle in the NCAA Tournament.

38. Get a happy ending after a massage.

39. Draw something that's good.

40. Have a naked picture painted.

41. Catch a blumpkin.

42. Become really good at a video game

43. Seven orgasms in one day.

44. Visit at least 20 states.

45. Go to Europe.

46. Witness a girl masturbate in person.

47. Watch every Clint Eastwood movie.

48. Ride a camel.

49. Graduate from college.

50. Go to a concert.

NIce

Florida won the national championship in college football today. Woohoo. Anyways, the point of this post is to post a hysterical picture.

Treetops

Treetops sucks. This is a fact. With the possible exception of weekend brunches, people go to Treetops for the sole reason that it is paid for already. I almost typed cheap in that last sentence, but my mother smacked me in the head. It's not cheap- at all. And it's required by everyone that lives in the dorms; so even vegetarians with no need for Treetops sans the salad bar in the middle are at Treetops.
However, as I sit at home deliberating whether boiling water is worth the trouble to make noodles or to eat Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese for the 12000th time since I've been home, I actually find myself missing Treetops, sacreligious as it sounds. The nice people working, the cooked food, the girls, eating with people that aren't my brother. Somehow I've hit a stage in my life where I miss a college cafeteria. Shoot me now.

Because I don't own a scanner, I'm just going to copy and paste the words from an appropriate Calvin and Hobbes strip.

Calvin: People are rotten!
Calvin: When I grow up, I'm going to live a million miles from everyone!
Hobbes: How will you survive? How will you eat?
Calvin: Well... Mom could come by twice a day to cook, I suppose.
Hobbes: That would be quite a commute.

New Year's Resolutions

1. Write a bucket list. It's one of those things that I've been meaning to get around to for the longest time; yet I've never actually done it. One of these days I hope to get around to it.
2. Get back in decent shape. My physical need to get in shape has been hampered severely by the lack of an organized sport to keep me going. Without a long-term goal besides living past 30 and being in better shape than my brother, motivation is fleeting in this department.
3. Get my license.
4. Learn how to spell. Typing the majority of my college assignments online, I am amazed by my sheer inability to spell; hopefully, I can overcome this in the next year
5. Find happiness girl-wise. I was going to type get laid, but after 24 hours of chest pumping, getting laid once will just revert into the same banter about getting laid again. Nor would it be smart to type get a girlfriend, because that could lead to unhappiness as leashes tighten and whatnot. So I think just happiness girl-wise is a good resolution.
6. Stay open-minded. When I came to college, I told myself to be open-minded to everything. It led to mostly good things; more importantly, I haven't regretted anything.
7. Write on this blog more. I'm fully capable of finding one thing a day to write about; and while this blog probably won't be read by more than ten people ever, just writing things down that I'm thinking about is a good usage of my time- it also can't hurt my spelling problem.