Heaven on Earth

Some things are good for different reasons. Sex is good pretty much all of the time (53 weeks and counting) for a variety of reasons, like the emotional bond felt when your love handles joyfully clap against one other, or the physical pleasure of vaginal penetration. Unlike sex, there are some things that are good sometimes. Most things, like sex, suffer from the law of diminishing returns. The first time's the best for you, the second time's the best for her, the third time feels like forever, the fourth time is forever, and the fifth time is the stuff of legends. Not the good legends either- notorious legends like chafage, muscle discovery, and overall pain.

Anyways, enough with the sex rant. Most things need to be purchased. For some items, price is directly tied into one's enjoyment of said object. A great example of this is free food- RSA could be giving out shit on a stick during free period and people would eat it because it beats using the imaginary currency used by the Union Food Court. One of these things (allegedly; I've never touched the stuff on account of my physical well-being) is chewing tobacco.
Stoker's chewing tobacco feels like heaven in one's mouth. Cut longer than an umbilical cord, it is easier to pack than my laptop case if I'm going out on a weekend. Once in one's mouth, the comfort is transcendent- almost to the point where one forgets his or her gums are being ripped into shreds like a Vietnamese village. The flavor- my source has only tried wintergreen- is tastier than Skoal's wintergreen. And all of this comes at a price that's absolutely unheard of- 10 dollars for a tub. That's right, a tub. Most chewing tobacco is sold in tins, but this is sold in a tub filled with the equivalent of 10 tins of dip. (Note to the U.S. Tobacco Companies- try finding a unit of measurement akin with the metric system; even weight would suffice.) Of course, this leads to an obvious question- How does one pack/carry it around? Never fear, Stoker's provides a complimentary tin (albeit empty) with this tub for both convenience and packing purchases. The ending result of all this benefit in this cheap of a package is heaven.